college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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