If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
