plz talk dirty to me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
