this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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