You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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