why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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