JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
