I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
