This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
