You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Bring me that man meat
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
