How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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