return my video game
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
