there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
