i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
