By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
