ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
