And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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