he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
