There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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