Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
