I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
