Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
