I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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