Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My ATM looks so different sober.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
