Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
