hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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