you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
