Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
