I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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