My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
