Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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