Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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