it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
