just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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