Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
