i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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