you have to choose: penises or morals?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
