Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
