did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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