The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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