areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
