He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
