Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
