Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
