Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
