I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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