The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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