I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
