How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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