Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
where are my eyebrows?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
