i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
