U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
