Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
