I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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