why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
