I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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