I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
