If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
