Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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