so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
