how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
