His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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