had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
