There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
