Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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