Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
