I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Pants are for mortals
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
