She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
