He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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