he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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