I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
