i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
