Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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