We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
