every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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