I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
