I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
