do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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