Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
