she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
