It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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