She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize