dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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