Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
