The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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