So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
