Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
