Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
