Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Life is so much better after having sex.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
