No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize