..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
