I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
