I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
