Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
