So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
