Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
